Miss J and What it's Really All About

Miss J is so gorgeous and incredibly sweet.  When I look at her I see all her beauty but I know we can't always see that for ourselves. And if there is one thing I have learned  being a boudoir photographer it's that EVERY woman has insecurities or things we don't like about ourselves but here is the secret.... none of that matters. It really is all in our head. It's the stories we tell ourselves. True beauty and sexiness comes with confidence and accepting our bodies. More than accepting.... celebrating our bodies. Living every day with appreciating ourselves and just how badass we are.  I'm so happy Miss J came to me so that I could help her do just that. 

"My interest in having my own boudoir photos taken grew when I started to see the beautiful work from Angela (Raven Red) on my Facebook feed. It took me a while to pull the trigger because I kept thinking about the negatives- My lack of beautiful lingerie, my lack of cleavage in a push up bra (or anything for that matter), the fact that I don’t have anyone to give an album to, and that I’ve always had some body image issues."

"I’ve never really had to worry about losing weight or toning up easily, but that doesn’t change how I've felt/ still feel about my body at times. Seeing women with six packs, full breasts, well proportioned hips and perfect skin doesn't help the situation at all. I've dated men that have asked if I’d ever consider getting breast implants, or if it bothers me that I don’t have much up top. Of course I stopped seeing and talking to these men, but it doesn’t change the fact that comments like that stick in the back of my mind and come up when I least expect it."

"After a recent streak of bad dates and quite a few shots to my self confidence, I decided I needed to see myself in a different light, I needed to get out of that negative “my body's not good enough” mindset. I’m in the best shape that I’ve ever been in, I make sure to take good care of my body (inside and out), and why not celebrate everything my body has made it through so far? "

"Needless to say, I went through with the boudoir shoot and it did just what I'd hoped. It helped me realize that being sexy isn't all about having large breasts and the “perfect” ass, it’s about being confident with who I am, appreciating everything I do have, and everything I've worked so hard to achieve."

Miss S.... Acceptance, Love and Positivity

When I first met Miss S I knew we would be creating some beautiful work together. She is confident and sexy all on her own. I love her message of body positivity, acceptanceand owning your beauty. She represents everything I strive for in Raven Red. Let her words inspire you as they did me. 

When Angela asked me why I wanted to do a Boudoir Photoshoot, she asked was I doing it for someone special or doing it for myself? Well it was for both reasons. I wanted to do if for myself and I consider myself extraordinarily special!  Although, I must preface this with I have not always considered myself very special. I think like most women, most humans in fact, we all have had insecurities that have plagued us over our years. My struggle was accepting that I was a tall woman and that I would never be what society would consider as skinny. It has taken me many years to accept my body as it is. What I have begun to realize, is that what makes this world so great is the different shapes, sizes and features that make us all special and beautiful in our own way. Right before the shoot I had finally lost some weight after being at my heaviest. However, this time when I lost weight I was doing it for my health and not so other people would view me as more desirable. I have learned to embrace my curves and wanted to show a little piece of it to my world. I wanted to celebrate finally losing weight for the right reason, myself!

One of the things that Angela told me was that she does not do a lot of editing with her photos as far as making people look thinner. I think that this is tremendous! She has an amazing ability to photograph you in a way that shows off the best parts of how your body is now. Why edit a masterpiece that was already created by God, the universe or whatever you believe? Angela, has a way of making you feel so comfortable, even when you might feel self conscious. The results are beautiful images. I found myself almost speechless about what I saw, I was like “is that really me?”

After doing the photoshoot, I decided that I would love to pursue my life long dream and do some modeling. Maybe not as a career, but as a hobby that I would love and enjoy. Modeling to bring a message of body positivity and acceptance. I can’t wait to work with Angela again to create more pieces of living, breathing art. 

On Location Boudoir with Shayla Shimmy

A collaboration between myself and the one and only Shayla Shimmy. It was such a treat to get out of the studio and shoot in the gorgeous Texas Spring weather. This was actually a last minute Photoshoot that was totally unplanned and I couldn't be more in love with what we captured. 

Miss M

Before I specialized in boudoir I photographed a little of everything and there are a few clients that have been with since the beginning and are still with me today. Miss M is one of those clients that I have been so lucky photograph many of life's milestones. She watched me blossom to the boudoir photographer that I am today and then one day she wrote me to tell me she wanted her very own boudoir session. I was ecstatic because having known her for years I knew she had this fiery vixen in her and I couldn't wait to show her. Here is a taste of her incredible session we did in one of San Antonio's historic boutique hotels. The vintage vibe was just the setting to showcase Miss M's exquisite beauty. 

My experience with Angela was one of a life time. She's has been our photographer for years now. She took everything from our engagement photos to our  family Christmas photos. Then she started do boudoir photography. I admired her talent and those of her clients. Then I threw in my hat to do a session with her. I was at my heaviest weight and tried to get a little bit more in shape before our shoot. Of course life gets in the way and I wasn't where I wanted to be  on the day of our shoot . I was nervous and a bit shy. When I got to the location coming from hair and makeup Angela and her assistant welcomed me with such positive energy and enthusiasm I felt at ease. Taking guidance from her made me feel comfortable and at ease. When she would show me pictures that she just captured I was at awe. I couldn't believe that was me. Then when I got to see the final product, an album of 31 photos of me I was amazed. She captured the most unbelievable side of me that I'd never seen before. I was amazed by how beautiful I looked. When I gave my husband his personal "playboy album" of me, his response to was "I'm proud of you". Thank you Angela for bringing out the best of me.

The Most Powerful Love of All

So it's Valentine's Day and Love in in the air. We often talk about Love in relation to others but the most important Love of all is the Love of one's self. This is also probably the hardest Love to come to terms with. I LOVE that part of my job is about helping others to love and embrace their body.  

When Miss L first approached me about a Photoshoot I was beyond excited. She is gorgeous, full of positive energy and hella limber which makes posing a dream. She is a accomplished photographer herself and a dedicated and passionate yoga instructor. What is there not to love about photographing her. But what really captured me was that she gets it! She gets what boudoir is all about. It's about self love and honoring our body here and now. I will let her words express her feelings. 

"Every time I would open Facebook, I kept seeing all these beautiful and sexy photos pop up in my feed. It’s hard to explain the longing that I felt for the images to be of me. I had never just celebrated my body in this way. Sure random boyfriends throughout my life had taken pictures of me naked or in lingerie here and there, but they were all inevitable bad lighting, flash eyes and super casual in the moment clearly taken on a cheap camera. They were not this declaration, shout out, fireworks, all out dance party in honor of my body!

And honestly what’s not to love? I’m 28 now, I’m pretty sure that even in 10 years I’ll be wishing I had the body I have now and wish I would have appreciated it when I had it. Honestly, how much of my day do I spend thinking about my body? Minutes, maybe even hours that I could be spending pursuing my passions and dreams or connecting with friends! What was stopping me from just owning my body? And while I’m at it why did I spend so much time thinking about what I didn't like about my body instead of what I did like about it?! Wouldn’t it make so much more sense to focus on what you do like about your body so that real contentment can blossom deep inside. 

Those are the reasons why I finally decided to book the damn shoot already and I’m so stupid happy that I did and that that I honored what my heart really wanted which was that the shoot really reflect the real me so I just went all out and did exactly what I was dreaming about!

I got completely naked and covered myself in gold and glitter and I literally don’t have words to express how freaking excited I am about my images! I will have them for a lifetime! And each time I pass by them hanging on my wall I will remember to celebrate my body instead of criticize it, a constant reminder that this is the only body that I have and that when you embrace your body you let go of all the negative self talk and shame and convention, and instead open yourself arms wide open to the world and to a deep authentic connection to yourself - and that is when the your life changes…"

Miss L can be found teaching yoga at studios across SA. She is a dedicated yogi that is passionate about teaching her students to love and accept their body and push them past what they perceive their limits to be. 

Fear and Other Lessons of 2016

** This is the first official blog post and in a way it's meant to be recap of 2016. All images are taken by myself this year unless stated otherwise. 

So I have a confession to make...  blogging was one of my 2016 goals and here it is mere days before the end of the year and I'm barely getting to it. In my defense 2016 was a rough and I mean real rough... at least personally. If you know  me or follow me on social media, then you know the struggles I have had this year. Needless to say I am ready to say farewell to 2016, for real!

But back to the blog…. One of the reasons I hadn't done it is frankly, I just didn't know how to start . I was scared to be vulnerable and of being judged. I think that's often what holds us back from doing all sorts of things in life. The thought of starting something new can seem so daunting that it can paralyze us from ever starting in the first place.  The idea of someone judging us can be upsetting. To put ourselves out there is intimidating.  This is us getting in our own way though. Our fear of failure sabotages us so that we instead stay in our safe zone . The thing is that we learn and we grow when we push ourselves out of those comfortable places. That's when we really get to know ourselves; THAT’S when we define ourselves.  

Six months ago I petrified to pick up my camera. I hadn’t taken a photo in nearly two months. That is crazy for me!! I don’t believe I have ever gone that long without taking a photo since I first picked up a camera.. After losing sight in one eye I was terrified I wouldn't be able to take photos like I once I did. I was worried I wouldn't be good enough and that I would fail.  But just like falling off a horse we have to pick ourselves up and get back up lest we fall victim to our fear. Fear can grab us and hold us hostage preventing us from living the life we want. But here is the thing we regret what we don't do way more than we ever will regret what we do. 

I realize now so many of my fears were unwarranted and that NOW is the time to live. I needed to stop worrying, stop doubting and be the person I have always wanted. I need to be the person that I AM! Confronting death made me face my fears and in the face of death they were invalid. They just didn’t matter anymore. I'm no longer allowing fear to keep me from being me or expressing what I want.  To be honest I'm not 100% sure where this blog will go but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I am not scared to start and I really no longer care if I am judged.

 It's actually quite fitting that this was the year that I stepped out from behind find the camera and finally got myself in front to experience what my clients do. At the start of 2016 I was horrified at the thought of being photographed. I'm not happy with my body and rarely think of myself as attractive.  Funny that someone that sees beauty in every single person around her can't see it in herself.   Instead I saw and focused on only my flaws and made up excuses to avoid being photographed.

Photography by Teri Hofford, Sioux Falls Boudoir by Shalista and Kara Leigh

Twelve months later after stepping in front of the camera of ten different photographers from all over the world I am beginning to see it. I see that am beautiful and that has empowered me to love, appreciate and care for my body in new ways. I think a portrait is so powerful in the way it can transform us mentally and emotionally. It's a ritual that allows us to see ourselves in a new way which is the key to the transformation. I believe in what I do whole heartedly now because I have been on the other side. I know what’s its like to doubt yourself. I know exactly what my clients feel and I can empathize with them. I can guide them through the process because I have walked in their shoes.  

Photography by Teri Hofford, Kara Leigh, Sioux Falls Boudoir by Shalista, Amy Peacock and Miranda Parker. 

 2016 has taught me so much. It's taught me humility, grace and gratitude.  It's taught me to appreciate all I have and that I have to live fearlessly and love myself unconditionally. It’s also taught me that's it's ok to be selfish sometimes. I used to think that spending the afternoon at a spa or treating myself to a vacation was indulgent and that I had better things to do. Like work, like obligations, like work, like more obligations, and like more work. And it's not that those things aren't important because they are but the truth is I am doing a huge disservice to myself and to those around me (whether it's my clients or my family)  when I neglect to care for myself first. Being selfish from time to time allows us to give more of ourselves back to the universe. We need to value and respect our wishes and desires in life. We need to care for ourselves... body, mind and soul. I no longer feel guilt when I treat myself to that massage or spend an afternoon daydreaming as I walk with my dog longer than I had anticipated.  I just enjoy the moment.  I soak it all up because I live in the NOW! Fearlessly now!

In life the most precious thing we have are time and the experiences we give ourselves with that time. I have spent over 30 years’ shy, often hiding behind the camera, denying myself of things I want to do or be out of fear but 2017 is the year I say FUCK fear... I'm no longer scared of any of those things I once was, As I said before I am not sure where this blog or even where my life will lead me but I do promise to not hold back anymore.  I will be me, authentically me. I invite each of you to live your own life fearlessly too. To do all those things you want, to stop waiting for the perfect time because NOW is the time! Don't wait for more money, to be thinner, to get more courage. Do all those things in life you want NOW!  Because the biggest lesson of 2016 was that life is too short and we have to enjoy it all before it ends.  Live now and live fearlessly with love. Honor and love yourself, to embrace all you are and all you can be in 2017 Cheers to living the best life we can! All my love!!!

I leave you with my favorite image of 2016. It's not boudoir, it's not fashion, its not taken with my big camera and it's not even a spectacular view. This is my favorite image of 2016 because of what it represents to me.... it's HOPE!  It's the first photo I took after my stroke and after losing vision in one eye. It's when I appreciated my sight more than I ever had. It's when I knew that as long as I could still see with my other eye that I could still do what I love. It's when I knew I could still be a photographer.

- Angela Michelle