Sometimes weight does matter: Ableism in the Body Positive Movement

This issue is “Be the Change” and on that note I’m stepping up to be the change I would like to see in the Body Positive/Acceptance Community, a world I’m immersed in yet don’t always feel a part of.  I’m about to drop an unpopular opinion but, yes sometimes weight does matter. I know that many in the community preach for us to never look at our weight but there is ableism in that approach. Let me explain.

 I know and understand that our culture and especially the medical system is fatphobic. I have been a victim of that system. I went undiagnosed with a lung disease for many years. They blamed my weight for nearly a decade as the reason that I was struggling to breathe. Over the years I have seen my thin pulmonary hypertension friends diagnosed and treated within weeks or maybe just a few months for the same disease. By the time I was diagnosed I was fading fast. I was on oxygen 24/7 and given less than two years to live without intervention. That delay in treatment has left me with permanently scarred lungs and a strong distrust of our medical system. A system that is clearly not treating larger bodied patients with the same care and attention as they do their thin patients. I can say all this AND say that sometimes weight is an important element to understanding and treating diseases. Those two truths can both exist.   Some in the Body Positivity/ Acceptance movement say weight is never a factor in health, that scales are damaging and that desiring to change the body means one is not body positive. I would like to offer another perspective.

 Yes, I know I may be the exception and not the rule, but I promise there are others that must watch their weight for very serious health reasons. In my case it’s due to the Pulmonary Hypertension which had me in the early stages of heart failure. In 2021 I was struggling to breathe again despite the lifesaving surgery on my lungs. After a visit to my specialist, it was determined that I needed a medication known as Lasix which is a diuretic to pull some of the water weight that was making my heart work harder. I have been on this medication for over a year and part of having this disease and being on this medication means I MUST weigh myself regularly (every few days at the least). A change in the scale can mean I need to adjust my medication or need to see my pulmonary hypertension specialist ASAP. Recently I noticed the scale was up and after a check in with my doctor and an adjustment in meds I lost 7 pounds in less than 12 hours.  It was water weight, and it was making my heart work harder.   Had I not checked my weight I might not have realized I needed that adjustment. Adjusting the meds got me feeling better which is always the goal.

 So, when I see people demonizing the scale and/or subtly shaming those that do weigh themselves I get frustrated. Ableism is causing people to miss that for some people the scale is a part of our life, it must be because it’s valuable information that can help us monitor our health and prevent diseases from progressing. Rather than avoiding ever seeing our weight we can find ways to accept that weight is data that does not define us. It’s simply a neutral fact that can be useful and even necessary to keep our diseases in check. For many of us in the chronically ill community paying attention to our weight and other measurements is a part of looking for signs that there is something that needs addressing. Measuring weight should be approached just like checking blood pressure, oxygen or heartrate. Weight is not a measure of health itself, but it can be important in the monitoring of some medical situations. All bodies are different and therefore have different needs. People should have the agency to determine what their own body needs are and honor them.

 I think there is room for the Body Positivity community to become more inclusive towards of those that have different needs and recognize that wanting to change our body is not inherently bad. For me it comes down to WHY? Why do you want to change your body? Is it to fit into the beauty standard? Because that is problematic, and that requires some work to shatter the ideas that the system instilled in you to make think you or your body aren’t beautiful or deserving.  OR is it to FEEL better. If it’s the latter, then I’m all for it.  For me personally I absolutely want to change my body. I want to get stronger; I want to feel better, breathe better and live better so that I can experience more of life.  I will never have a healthy body, but I can strive for a healthier one by honoring my body’s unique needs. Wanting to change my body is rooted in how I feel and not how it looks.

 Ableism is funny in that it seeps into every fabric of our lives. So much so that even when we think we are being inclusive AF our words and actions maybe aren’t aligned. We could be sending some detrimental messages to some of the most marginalized, chronically ill and disabled people. You see some of us don’t have the privilege of just ignoring our weight and that doesn’t mean that we aren’t body positive or that we aren’t practicing self-love. I would argue that we are absolutely practicing self-love and body positivity by caring for our body.

 My hope is that the movement comes to a place of recognizing that part of Body Positivity is that each body has distinctive needs and that we allow everybody to do what is best for their own body free of judgment and shame. All bodies are beautiful because they allow us to experience life and they tell the story of the life we live. For me body positivity is about living and enjoying my life. If stepping on a scale keeps me healthy and feeling better which in turn allows me to experience more, I will. Other people may find it healthier for other reasons not to step on the scale. Neither is right or wrong but rather different bodies with different needs. People should always do what is in the best interest of their own unique body. That’s Body Positivity, the idea that each person has agency over their body. To do what they wish with their body. To care for, honor and enjoy it. Body Positivity is about being embodied and living the best and most enjoyable life you can. That’s what we all want in the end.

Published in October Issue of Pepper

Body Image

Body Image has always been on my mind. As a boudoir photographer the topic was almost always brought up by clients.  Often upon on hearing that I was a photographer people would say they want to book me but first, they would need to lose weight or tone up.  Sometimes they would book me months ahead of time with the goal to change their body before our photoshoot. As their session neared, they would panic, reschedule saying they needed more time and sometimes completely ghost their session. It always made me sad knowing they didn’t feel worthy of being seen. I can understand and empathize though because before I dug in ans did my own work of facing body image I often put things off thinking I needed to change my body first. Perhaps I was drawn to study body image. It was something I struggled with as a teenager and all through my twenties. I help me back from living authentically and enjoying life for many years.

Body image is complex and understanding it requires we take a step outside of ourselves to see the large picture of how and why it impacts us the way it does. Body Image as defined by Collin Mc Shirley, MA, LFT “The perception that a person has of their physical self and the thoughts and feelings that result from that perception. Feelings can be positive, negative, neutral or any combination. They can be influenced by individual or environmental factors.” It’s important to note that a person’s body image can strongly influence their behavior.

 When we see that body image can impact human behavior, we see why so many of us change how we live to accommodate our thoughts about our bodies.  How we think and feel impacts how we show up in the world When body image affects our behavior it can also begin to affect intimacy and our relationships with partner and even has ourselves. Listed are some of the ways that body image can cause sex and intimacy to be stressful. It may lead to avoidance of sex and/ or cause low libido. Sexual inhibition is also quite common and someone struggling with body image may be too insecure to freely enjoy sex. This can make it much harder to have an orgasm because we aren’t’ present in the sensations of our body.  All of this can lead to lost connection both with our own body and within our relationship with our partner. Common body image concerns related to intimacy are body size, appearance of genitals, skin texture, rolls and folds, scars, hair and signs of aging. These insecurities can cause us to disconnect from our own body and can begin to feel unworthy of pleasure.

So what can we do? How can we push back on the negativity that can feel consuming. First, recognize that it is a process and a practice. We didn’t get her overnight. Our complex feelings are often the result of years of messaging from all around us. This messaging often serves the purpose of trying to make us feel a certain way so that we feel inadequate and will buy whatever they are selling. This is part of the capitalistic patriarchal society that we are all immersed in. By understanding how we got here we can begin to break away. Through curiosity and compassion, we can unravel the thread that has bound us. It is important for us to realize that bodies are ALWAYS in a state of flux. They change throughout our lives and that is completely normal. Being tied to aesthetics is dangerous because your body can and will change. Accept that change is a normal and healthy part of having a body and learn to embrace it and support it in all its stages and states.  One way we can begin to do this is by teaching ourselves to see and appreciate the diversity of bodies. By appreciating the diverse bodies on others, we begin to chip away at those beauty standards that have become engrained into our consciousness.  One thing we can do is find body positive accounts on social media that both challenge and inspire us on our own body image journey.

I could honestly talk about body image all day because there is a lot to unpack here but I will leave you with this. Instead of focusing on the way your body looks or even what it allows you to do (which can pull us back to capitalism and the requirement that our body must DO something to be good) turn instead to appreciating what your body allows you to experience. If we have a body, it means we are alive and that allows us to experience life. Gratitude is powerful and by focusing our appreciation on experiences we can begin to shift our perspective. Bringing it back to intimacy the focus of experience teaches us to relish in the pleasure our body allows us to feel. This doesn’t even have to be about sex although it can. There is pleasure in floating in a river, that first morning stretch, of feeling the wind against our skin or maybe the sand beneath our feet. By focusing on pleasure, we can connect to our body and begin to live an embodied and joyful life.

Originally published in Pepper’s September Issue

Men’s libidos

Starting is always the hardest part they say and that’s certainly true for myself. When I was first invited to be a columnist for Pepper, I was thrilled then immediately terrified. First, a confession…. I have major anxiety about writing. I know I am not an exceptional writer and of course I know anytime I offer up insights I am judged. So here is where I am at … I am here because I am passionate about these topics and my commitment is that I will always write with my heart (and head), but I never claim to be the end all be all expert. While I may have invested thousands of hours into my education on the topics, I will address I know there is always more to learn, and I am committed to doing so. I recognize that culture and our individual lives are always changing. When we know better, we could be better. My goal is to sprinkle what I have learned through my formal education and experiences and hopefully inspire you. I invite you all to stay kind, stay curious and stay compassionate as we embark on this journey together.

Since this issue is centered on men’s issues for this first column, I decided to focus misconceptions on men’s libidos. As a certified sexologist I can say that while many of my clients are women, I also have my fair share of male clientele that struggle with sex and intimacy. Many of us are aware of the dangers of unrealistic expectations around sex. Porn often depicts sex and the bodies that have them in a way that does not reflect the reality or experience of sex that many of us have.  Unfortunately, media has not done a great job either. Couples seem to effortlessly fall into bed without conversations around consent or safety precautions and then they simultaneously have orgasms before collapsing in post sex bliss. But this isn’t real, it’s fictional sex and to treat it as anything other than fiction leaves a lot of room for confusion and shame when our realities don’t match up with what we have been conditioned to think is “normal”.

While both genders can have impractical expectations due to those representations, today I am focusing on male libido. It is not uncommon for men to have unreasonable assumptions about sex and put extra pressure on themselves to “perform” as a result. This can lead to a cascade of sexual issues (many of which will be future topics). Regionally this is exasperated in our male machismo dominated culture that is prevalent here in South Central Texas. There is a pervasive myth that all men have high sex drives and while that is certainly is true for some men it can also be true of some women. And just as some women feel less interested in sex there are men that will have a lower libido. Sexuality is a spectrum, and our libido can and does change over our lives. One of the reasons couples work with me is because they have mismatched libidos but it’s not always the men with the higher sex drive. In fact, in my own personal experience with clients it’s often the reverse.  the cultural expectation that men want sex all the time can be distressing for the couple. The man can feel stressed and shame which can result in additional sexual issues and the man’s partner can have feelings of turmoil as they wonder why their partner isn’t as interested as society has told us they should be.

 Men’s sexual appetite can vary and just like women and agender individuals.  Men can also be asexual or demisexual. Asexual is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or a low interest in sexual activity. Demisexual people only feel sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. Of course, an individual need not be asexual or demisexual to experience a deviation from cultural expectations around sex.  Sexual desire can ebb and flow throughout our lives and certain life circumstances a play a role in those changes. Men can also face stress, medical issues, mental health challenges, side effects from medications, body image concerns…. Etc. All of these can and do impact sexual desire. There are ways to navigate the challenges of low libido for those that seek to but first a person must be vulnerable and communicate with their partner.

Whether you are a man or in a relationship with a man the most powerful gifts to offer a person is grace, recognize that we all experience sexuality differently and it changes at different points in our lives. There is no one way to be a man and rather than limit others and ourselves with narrow molds I invite us to see and accept the diversity of the human sexual experience. It can look a lot of different ways.  Focus on communication skills in and out of the bedroom because without communication there can be disconnect between partners. Communication isn’t always easy though especially because it requires that vulnerability. And again, as a culture we haven’t given men, especially, a whole lot of room to be vulnerable. True intimacy requires vulnerability from all parties. We must collectively and individually release preconceived notions around masculinity and sex if we want to find deeper intimacy in our relationships.

Originally published in Pepper’s June Issue

Hello, Again

Hello Everyone! It’’s been a WILD two years. Allow me to (re)introduce myself. If you follow me on social media this may all be old news in which case I just want to say Hello, Again and that my 2022 mission is just to SHOW UP for myself and my community. I’m back! If you are just meeting this post will tell you who I am and what my purpose is. To break up the text you will see some of my work I have produced over the years.

Self Portrait

I picked up the camera at a young age thanks to my dad being a photographer. In 1996 you could find me skipping lunch in high school to go to the darkroom. I was so obsessed that upon gradation I made a my own darkroom in my first apartment. I miss those days of being locked under the red light in a mediative state as I patiently and precisely developed my work. It was a way to be completely in the moment.

It was a serious hobby for me for quite a few years. By the early 2000s I had gone digital and was working as a freelance photographer getting hired by publications, companies, government agencies and other photographers as a second shooter for weddings. This had become my career but I was still finding my voice as a photographer.

In 2008 I decided to open my own photography company. In the beginning I photographed a bit of everything but within a few years I found what I photographed and what I passionately photographed. I fell in love with empowering and intimate portraiture work. Most of my work was becoming either fashion inspired portraiture or boudoir. I was fascinated by the transformation that occurs internally with clients. I began to see the art of portraiture as a ritual. 

In 2013 earned a degree in cultural anthropology, my focus of study was on sex and death rituals. Rituals at their core are about transformation. The ritual itself is a liminal state that allows the transformation to occur. The photoshoot IS the liminal state. This understanding changed me as a photographer and from then on that idea was the framework for how I approached all my sessions.

Thinking of all the times a professional photographer is hired I saw the pattern of it being during life’s milestones where change is happening. Engagements, weddings (a ritual itself), maternity , births, one year old, senior portraits… these are all times of transformation and I believe photography plays an important part in it. It allows us to see ourselves outside of ourselves and it allows us to have agency (with the right photographer) over how we wish to see ourselves and how we want others to view us. There is immense power there.

It’s an embodied experience, a ritual that can transform how one perceives themselves. We all know the power of a photoshoot. We all have witnessed it in our clients. I want to help us all understand it better. Particularly interesting to me was how the portrait experience intersected with body image so I began to study that and became certified as an Embody Love Facilitator. Another pattern I saw was how I often the subject of sex came up in my boudoir sessions. The more clothes they shed, the more open they became often  sharing their deepest secrets with me. I was already beginning to study sex more in depth in order to help hold that space when my own life took a turn.

I can’t continue the story of my journey to becoming a sexologist without sharing my personal story.  In 2016 I was pregnant for the first time when I had a stroke. The stroke caused me to miscarry and left me completely blind in one eye. I was diagnosed with a rare clotting disorder which had also caused multiple pulmonary embolisms.  I knew my photography career was going to have to change. Unfortunately the clotting disorder has affected the other eye as well and I risk total blindness if the disease is not  controlled.  In the years before the stroke I had partnered with a local Sexologist to cross promote. We had a great relationship that led to a friendship. After the stroke she suggested I train to become a sexologist myself since it was something I already had a background in from college and had begun studying it more on my own. 

It took me three years to complete my training with a program though due to additional health hurdles. The year after my stroke I was diagnosed with another rare disease. This one was the result of those pulmonary embolisms. While PEs typically will dissolve in time in rare instances (3% of the time) they don’t and that leads to pulmonary Hypertension. So in 2017 I ended up living on oxygen 24/7 while I waited to be evaluated for a  lung surgery. Without intervention the disease was terminal and I had less than two years to live. Talk about a distraction. Thankfully in 2018 I traveled out of state to have surgery.  Once recovered I was able to continue the program and officially became a certified sexologist in the summer of 2019.  

My areas of focus as a sexologist is on the cultural aspects that affect sexuality. This includes things like body image, shame, health, disability religion, Sex Ed, vulnerability, consent…etc.  I also study and teach about the relationship between mindfulness and sex. I’m a certified yoga instructor trained in trauma informed accessible yoga and I bring a lot of that  into my work as a sexologist. Currently I’m practicing Tantra and will be teaching tantric principles in 2022. 

So what is a sexologist and what do they do? Well a sexologist is anyone that studies Sex and what one can do with that varies. It’s important to note that sexologist does not equal a therapist.  Although there are many sexologists that are also trained therapists. It looks different for each of us that hold the title of Sexologist. A Sexologist often combines their training with their other passions, purpose, strengths , education to launch careers ranging from therapists, coaches, authors, speakers, educators, entrepreneurs…etc.

I’m a Sex Educator and private Sex Coach. As an instructor I serve as a part of the faculty at the Sexology Institute here in San Antonio . I teach both to the public and to our sex coaching students there at the Institute. I also create and teach content in a variety of other settings…. like online educational platforms, medical facilities, conventions, retreats and private events. One of the things I love to do is  work with other boudoir photographers who hire me to present virtual workshops and do Q& A Sessions for their clients.

Since early 2020 I have focused all my work here and haven’t taken a paid photography client in over two years. I miss it immensely and hope to come back when my health allows it. While that 2018 surgery saved my life I was not cured and had already planned to take my photography business on hiatus to have additional lung procedures out of state in early 2020. Unfortunately the pandemic left me in limbo and two years later I’m still waiting for additional lung procedures. I head out next month to have the first of what could be eight procedures over the next several months. Being a sexologist has allowed me to work safely from home all through the pandemic which has been immensely helpful since I have to take extra precautions due to my health. That’s the great thing about this work. As a sexologist I can work virtually and travel as needed for medical care. But most of all I absolutely love it and am so grateful I get to continue to empower people even if it looks different than before.

My 2022 mantra is SHOW UP!!! Thanks Teri Hofford, who inspired my 2022 word(s). The plan is to just just show up. It may not always be easy or pretty but I plan to be around.

Chronically Beautiful - Crissy

“Hello my name is Crystal Marie Cantu, friends call me Crissy. I am 30 years old woman who lives with a disability. I was diagnosed at 7 years old, with Muscular Dystrophy which is a progressive weakness in the muscles. I have had this disease for most of my life. There are different types of Muscular Dystrophy but recently my doctor tested me and the results came out that my new diagnosis is Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy, which affects the center of my body or the hips, quads and shoulders: the main areas that give ability to move your legs and arms. However, there are other areas that are weak in my body as well. So my diagnosis is a bit more rare than others and is still being tested. Although I was diagnosed with MD, I didn't start using a wheelchair until I was about 19 or 20, so before that I was still walking but you could tell it was getting more difficult for me to move at a normal pace. The reason as to why I started using my wheelchair was because I had a bad fall that caused me to bust my head open and need stitches. So for safety reasons, it was a must to use a wheelchair.

Sounds intense huh? Well at times it is but it doesn't overpower my life. I still try to do my best to just live my life as best as I can. I tell everyone that now my life is like a bucket list these days. There is so much I want to do before I can't anymore. I don't want to miss out on the things I thought I might not be able to do. Now I just do it! It's so easy to dwell on your disability, limitations are just screaming at you and you just don't even want to try.Trust me, I've been there and I still have those moments; no one is perfect. But most of the time I just try and experience anything that I can. With the help of my close family and friends, I have been able to take a road-trip to Los Angeles California, fly on in airplane to Las Vegas, go water skiing, finish college with an Associates Degree and so much more.

Anything is possible and sometimes you have to ask for help, so don't feel ashamed about that. I know it's difficult because all of us want to be a 100% independent but sometimes that not the case. But if you have people there with you to support you and be there for you, take the help. Not because you need it but because they are willing to help you.

Disability can be a struggle but it does NOT define your life and who you are as a person. So live your life for YOU.

The boudoir session was honestly the most amazing experience I've EVER had. I've had other photo-shoot sessions but this one was so easy and calm for me. Sometimes it's difficult for me to be in front of the camera. It's like an awkward feeling of not knowing how to pose, especially since I am disabled. So my poses are a bit different than an able-body person. So when I got there I was a bit nervous but once we started, Angela said for me not to worry that she would guide me through it and she did! She made me feel so much confidence in myself and comfortable. She knew what would work for me and my body. Every time she would take a shot of me, she would always have something positive to say which made my experience easier. Throughout the session, I did need help but it felt smooth and had such good vibes in the studio setting. I don't think I have ever had that experience before and I feel like that's why she was able to capture beautiful photos of me! I wasn't in my head thinking too much about how I looked, I was in the moment and just felt sexy, confident, content and ravishing.”

---

Chronically Beautiful is a project I started in 2018 as I battled my own illnesses. It is my hope that this project shed light on the diseases that change our lives and that it will help change misconceptions about being chronically ill and or living with disabilities . Additionally I hope to inspire those facing health challenges to live their best life.

If you would like to participate in this project please submit your story to me first by emailing me at info@ravenredphoto.com with a subject line "Chronically Beautiful".

Note... You do not need to have a visible illness or disability to participate. I want to share people's stories with all illnesses and disabilities.

-Angela Michelle

Back and Booking

After months and months of being on hiatus (see previous post) I’m BACK! That’s right! Back and booking for 2019. I can’t wait!!! There are some new collections and products I can’t wait for you to see. And to kick it off I have a Special Offer or TWO. There are a limited number available and they are first come first serve. Keep Scrolling for more info and enjoy this beauty I recently photographed. If you have any questions or are ready to snatch up one of these deals just fill out the contact form.

Two ways to save on 2019 bookings

Pay 99  booking fee (regularly 325)  now and schedule your Photoshoot between Jan- June
Does not include prints, digitals or products
Receive 10% off your order at your Reveal Ordering Appointment 
**ONLY 10 Spots available **

OR

Receive a FREE session when you book your 2019 session!
Pay the 325 deposit now and get that amount credited back to you at your ordering session which means your session was FREE! Additionally you will receive 20% off your order after your credit has been applied. Session fee does not typically include prints, digitals or products.
**ONLY 5 Spots available **

2019 Client Guide

Forever Altered

Self Portrait 2 months post PTE Surgery

Ok, so I have been sitting on this post for some time. If you follow me on social media you know my story and if not here is the crash course. For years I was suffering, slowly dying as my body struggled to get the oxygen required to live. In January after years of struggling and searching for answers I was diagnosed with a rare lung disease, CTEPH. November is Pulmonary Hypertension month so I do want to use this opportunity to raise awareness.

Self Portraits 2 months post PTE Surgery

Pulmonary Hypertension is a rare disease itself and often misdiagnosed. CTEPH (Chronic thromboembolic pulmonary hypertension) is one of several forms of PH. It is rare, so rare that I struggled and fought for the diagnosis. Many doctors I encountered knew little to nothing of this disease. It is caused by blood clots, pulmonary embolisms, in the lungs. For most people the clots will dissipate on their own but for about 3-5% of the people that get pulmonary embolisms it will turn in the CTEPH. This was my case.

Me at University Hospital in Jan 2018 right after my right heart cath which confirmed I had Pulmonary Hypertension

For years I was misdiagnosed and by the time I was diagnosed correctly I was on oxygen 24/7. If you have followed me for some time you know I have a rare clotting disorder, Antiphospholipid Syndrome (APS) which caused my stroke in 2016 leaving me permanently blind in one eye. I was so very lucky to have an old friend who had become a heart surgeon and had followed my health journey on social media. He knew I had this clotting disease and when he saw me on oxygen he was the one to suggest CTEPH be considered as the cause. I took this information to my doctors and over the next six months I would go through a battery of tests to reach the CTEPH diagnosis. Again, there needs to be more awareness about these diseases and it’s become my personal mission to be a part of the awareness campaign.

Self Portraits 2 months post PTE Surgery

Throughout this time I did my best to carry on my business partly because it is my livelihood but mostly because of how much I love the work I do. But in May of 2018 I shut it all down. I wrapped up all the clients I had and went on hiatus. I was being sent to San Diego to hopefully have a life saving open heart surgery called pulmonary thromboendarterectomy (PTE).

Self portraits 3 months post PTE Surgery

The best place to have PTE Surgery

This condition is so rare that few hospitals even do this surgery. San Diego it turns out has the most experience in the world with this surgery. They are the hospital that pioneered this particular procedure. My doctor here in San Antonio and my dear friend were both adamant I go there because I was considered high risk having had a stroke once already. I had to go in blindly not knowing if I would be a candidate.

La Jolla at Sunset

Only after team in San Diego ran their own tests would then tell me if they would do the surgery. So I went in July of this year. I went and hoped beyond hope that whatever the universe had in store for me would be my course for the greater good. I was lucky to be in such a beautiful place and every day after tests at the hospital I would go to the beach to watch the sunset meditating as I asked the universe to guide me on my path. I sat at the top of the cliff unable to walk down to the shore and I watched as I saw people doing the things I love. All I could hope was that I could one day do those things too.

Surrender can have a negative connotation but to me it’s positive. I surrender to me means I willingly give myself to the moment and trust. And that’s what I did… I surrendered myself to the universe, to these doctors, to the moment. Today is my three month PTE surgery anniversary. The surgery that saved my life and I can’t help but reflect on all that has transpired and how far I have come. The human body truly is an incredible beast. What it can endure and come back from is phenomenal. 

Self Portrait 3 months post PTE surgery

The clots removed from my lungs on Aug 7, 2018.

Three months ago my life would be forever altered by the hands of a man I had just met. I think of him and his team often as I’m sure so many who have been in my shoes do. He held my life in his hands that day. The responsibility he takes on is not to be diminished. The courage and trust he has in himself and the team he surrounds himself with is something I can only be forever grateful for. Three months ago I surrendered my body to his hands with complete trust. 

Me just hours after being woken up from PTE surgery.

On August 7th of 2018 I was the 3916th patient to undergo PTE surgery at UCSD. It was hard and painful but so worth it because now I can breathe again. I now have my life back full of possibilities I couldn’t fathom before. To Dr Pretorius, the man who has saved so many of us with CTEPH, thank you. Thank you!!

So this brings me to today, where am I now? I am alive and feeling better than I have in years because I can breathe!!! I’m not 100% and my body is still healing from the surgery and from the years of struggling to get oxygen. I will forever have the disease APS that caused all this to begin with and I will be under strict supervision by my team of doctors but I will live and I plan to live it up. I feel like I have been given yet another chance at this thing called life and I plan to use it for all the good I can. I have big plans and photography is just one of the passions I intend to pursue. This experience has only made me more passionate about helping people to accept, appreciate and love their body. My mission remains to help people live their best life with purpose and passion and to never hold back from being their authentic self.

Self Portraits 3 months post PTE surgery

I will be coming back to my business soon, very soon! Stay tuned for that announcement and subscribe to the mailing list to get notified when bookings for 2019 officially open. And for everyone that has been a part of my journey a HUGE thank you. You all mean so much to me.

All my love.

Angela

Self Portrait 3 months post PTE surgery.

**Side note....I noticed I started doing portraits every month around the anniversary of my surgery so my plan is to do this over the next year. My way of honoring my body and appreciating it for all it does and how it lets me live.

Southtown Yoga Loft... my first yoga home (Vendor Feature)

Can you believe we are already in February??? Seriously where does time go. If you aren't in my private VIP group you should be. There are monthly giveaways and this month's giveaway is a 5 card class pass to one of my favorite yoga studios in town, Southtown Yoga Loft.  They have two locations. One downtown and one in Helotes. Both are beautiful studios each with their own vibe. I have been going to their downtown studio for years and fell in love from the moment I first stepped foot in the door. The space is GORGEOUS and the instructors are always so welcoming and encouraging. They have a variety of classes ranging from beginners classes to strong flows... they even have kids yoga and prenatal yoga. They also do workshops which I am looking forward to taking a few myself.  This beautiful studio will forever by in my heart and it's where I did my RYT 200 hour yoga training. I still go there because I love it that much.  Whether you are a seasoned yogi or just curious to try yoga I encourage you to check out this San Antonio gem. 

southtownyogaloft.com

Raven Red VIP Group